Sunday, 6 April 2014

Goat Simulator (A COMPLETELY SERIOUS REVIEW)



            I gladly bring to all of you, the audience, the next serious review among the throngs of serious reviews worldwide of the extremely serious game that has been released on 1st of April and has taken the world by storm and ravaged game reviewers all across the fair land. This game is none other than Goat Simulator!


            What does this game that others don’t? Goats! What does this game do better than all the others? Goats! Wh—Goats! Goats! Goats!

            You are put in charge of a goat in a small little tranquil town. What is your job you may ask, well, simply put, WRECK ABSOLUTE HAVOC!! .. and score points doing so, but no one ever cares about the points part, right?

            But, in all seriousness, no other game has ever simulated real-life scenarios better than this game. This is the goat in its natural habitat, this is the killer instinct of a goat, this is the epitome of all goat simulators out there (there are none!). This puts legendary games like Harvest Moon to shame with its fluid goat movement controls, Harvest Moon doesn’t even have goats (BONUS POINTS!!1!!)! It puts all human simulator games to shame with its ultra-realistic human reactions and movements!!! OMG2COOL!!!!

            The slow-motion of this game is also truly ground-breakingly phenomenal, instead of just falling to the floor from a great height, you can do it as a goat AND in slow-motion, if that’s not next-gen of games, I don’t know what is. And if you have not caught on, you can become a goat!!

            The permanent upgrades found throughout the maps give boosts to your already amazing goat. Think your base goat is good, pfft, then you clearly HAVE NOT ATTACHED A JET PACK/DEMON HORNS/TENNIS BALL SHOOTERS TO UR BACK! But when you do, oh when you do, you’d be flying around in the jet pack while shooting tennis balls while flying around the whole map controlling humans with ur demons powers!! GOTY2014!!!

            But if you can’t handle the power, there are many other civilian things to do, like blowing up cars, sliding down huge slides or jumping from a construction crane, or even blowing up a gas station…. And the main highlight: eat –WAITFORIT- grass!
            And now it’s time to let pictures tell you the story because I cannot put words together better than these pictures can! 
 
Political rallies..


Suck
             
Truck give no shit about rock (not Dwanye Johnson rock, but just rock)
 
Oh hello, housekeeping!

Tip please?

 
dafak
 
you've goat to be kidding me
 
i am king of the arena
 
slow-mo is good to catch these things,
breakups on unfinished buildings = new trend
MAUHAHAHAHA
nope i am not meh-aking this up

         What are you even waiting for? Get on Steam, grab the game, be a goat, wreck absolute havoc, and come on you get to become a friggin goat!!! Grab it now!! (or not) at 9.99 USD on Steam, or you could wait for an offer to grab it << first serious sentence. TO GOAT OR NOT TO GOAT IS UR CHOICE, REVIEWER OUT!
but first, lemme take a selfie



1 comment:

  1. LOVED ALL THE SCREENSHOTS. Definitely would try this game.

    ReplyDelete