I gladly
bring to all of you, the audience, the next serious review among the throngs of
serious reviews worldwide of the extremely serious game that has been released
on 1st of April and has taken the world by storm and ravaged game
reviewers all across the fair land. This game is none other than Goat
Simulator!
What
does this game that others don’t? Goats! What does this game do better than all
the others? Goats! Wh—Goats! Goats! Goats!
You are
put in charge of a goat in a small little tranquil town. What is your job you
may ask, well, simply put, WRECK ABSOLUTE HAVOC!! .. and score points doing so,
but no one ever cares about the points part, right?
But, in
all seriousness, no other game has ever simulated real-life scenarios better
than this game. This is the goat in its natural habitat, this is the killer
instinct of a goat, this is the epitome of all goat simulators out there (there
are none!). This puts legendary games like Harvest Moon to shame with its fluid
goat movement controls, Harvest Moon doesn’t even have goats (BONUS
POINTS!!1!!)! It puts all human simulator games to shame with its
ultra-realistic human reactions and movements!!! OMG2COOL!!!!
The
slow-motion of this game is also truly ground-breakingly phenomenal, instead of
just falling to the floor from a great height, you can do it as a goat AND in
slow-motion, if that’s not next-gen of games, I don’t know what is. And if you
have not caught on, you can become a goat!!
The
permanent upgrades found throughout the maps give boosts to your already
amazing goat. Think your base goat is good, pfft, then you clearly HAVE NOT
ATTACHED A JET PACK/DEMON HORNS/TENNIS BALL SHOOTERS TO UR BACK! But when you
do, oh when you do, you’d be flying around in the jet pack while shooting
tennis balls while flying around the whole map controlling humans with ur
demons powers!! GOTY2014!!!
But if
you can’t handle the power, there are many other civilian things to do, like
blowing up cars, sliding down huge slides or jumping from a construction crane,
or even blowing up a gas station…. And the main highlight: eat –WAITFORIT-
grass!
And now
it’s time to let pictures tell you the story because I cannot put words
together better than these pictures can!
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Suck |
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Tip please? |
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slow-mo is good to catch these things, |
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breakups on unfinished buildings = new trend |
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MAUHAHAHAHA |
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nope i am not meh-aking this up |
What are
you even waiting for? Get on Steam, grab the game, be a goat, wreck absolute
havoc, and come on you get to become a friggin goat!!! Grab it now!! (or not)
at 9.99 USD on Steam, or you could wait for an offer to grab it << first
serious sentence. TO GOAT OR NOT TO GOAT IS UR CHOICE, REVIEWER OUT!
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but first, lemme take a selfie |
LOVED ALL THE SCREENSHOTS. Definitely would try this game.
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